It is around 10am at the moment and I am in Harrogate. I got here around 10pm last night so haven’t seen my surroundings in a daylight yet. Today is a project day for me and the plan is to wonder to the city centre and work somewhere from a cafe. Lots of excel things to do. The last 2 days I’ve spent in Marske which is just outside Middlesborough. Not the most inspiring place and to be honest so was the project. First of all, it wasn’t a brand that I am passionate about at all, but I think it only would be fair to say that the people are fantastic – so friendly. And second of all, it was my first project in that brand and I felt very much out of my depth. But I think the biggest contributor to that was one of the supporting gm’s who was constantly comparing myself with people who’ve been doing this brand for much longer. Oh well. I really need to stop bringing myself down and focusing on negatives. A few weeks back I was in a very bad place, borderline depression. And I think the main factor was my constant self doubt and comparison to everyone else. For some reason at the age of 28 I still struggle to understand and remember that everyone is different and it is a good thing…I am working on it. It is hard.
And I think after doing this job for over 7 months, yes, I have learned a lot, but I’ve come to realise that this affects not only me but also C. I can’t make selfish decisions anymore. I need him and he needs me. How do you find that balance? I’ve realised that I do like travelling and being away from home for a bit, just wish I could work a bit more strict hours – Mon till Fri is my current dream. Working on it.
Talking about ‘working on it’ – there was a job advertised for job for a specific brand which I don’t feel passionate about at all…and I have been told to apply for it. And I said I will. And I didn’t. I can list many excuses why I didn’t, but I think it just didn’t feel right at that time. I don’t want just a job, I want a job that I want. It will come. The biggest challenge for me now is to do my cv. I wish it was easier.
It is amazing what a good sleep can do to my morale. Feeling much better today. Off to explore.